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funny friend sayings 2010 08 30

===========================funny friend sayings========

You're a 24-year old man who wants to keep his 66-year old girlfriend from leaving.

Do you C) slam the door on her hand,
hit her on the head with pillows,
twist her nose,
and force her to kiss a picture of her dead husband?

===========================funny friend sayings========

We can now add "Doctors start to fight" to

funny children sayings 2010 08 27


====================funny children sayings======================

Fun idea:
Not got kids?
Hire a babysitter anyway,
say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken.
On your return ask where your child is.


====================funny children sayings======================

funny sayings 2010 08 25

------------------------------------funny sayings ------------------------------------------

If you need advice, text me...
If you need a frind, call me...
If you need me, come to me...
If you need money,
THE SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED! PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER.

---------------------------------funny sayings --------------------------------------------

Man: What is a million years

funny facebook sayings 2010 08 04


If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.


I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.


I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.


Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.


A closed mouth gathers no foot.


I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.


You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.


end of fu

funny dog sayings 2010 07 27


What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower

I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him...'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!' He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd. ~Steven Wright


Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. ~Co

funny sayings 2010 07 19

Artificial Intelligence: The other guy's opinion.

Radioactive halibut will make fission chips.

Hi, my name is John, and I'm a closet lurker.

If you take the plunge, return it by Tuesday.

I'm so poor, I can't even pay attention!

I think, therefore I am overqualified.

Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.

funny sayings 2010 07 14


It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it,
but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way
in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like
shoveling the drive before it has stopped s

funny sayings 2010 07 12

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ~Elayne Boosler


The most important thing is not to stop questioning. - Albert Einstein

Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others. -----Confucius

You are a ti

funny sayings 2010 07 02


"Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake".

"Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty".



"Personally I think birthdays and anniversaries are like menstrual cramps, a regular pain in the ass thats somehow connected to birth".


"I've never looked forward to a birthday like I'm looking forward to my new daughter's birthday, bec

funny sayings 2010 06 22



To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.


Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country.


Man - a figment of God's imagination.


Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

funny sayings 2010 06 21



I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality.


As you know, we're studying safe levels for arsenic in drinking water to base our decision on sound science, the scientists told us we need to test the water glasses of a

funny sayings 2010 06 20



When I take action, I'm not going to fire a 2 million dollar missile at a 10 dollar empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It's going to be decisive. -- (Newsweek, Sep 24, 2001)


Thank you for your e-mail. This Internet of yours is a wonderful invention. -- (email to Al Gore, mocking his famous Internet invention claim, quoted in Newsweek, Mar 2000)


Be careful about reading health


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