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funny sayings 2010 05 p9




Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!

Your mama is so fat, when she sings, its over.



If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.


Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. - Mrs. White, (Clue 1985)

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.


Behind every successful man is

funny sayings 2010 05 p10



Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the ass. The key to managemeant is knowing which mules are which.


If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?


I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - Geor

funny sayings 2010 05 p11


In God we trust; all others must pay cash.


He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor. - Paddy O'Dea



When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein



When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p12



I didn’t have to work till I was three. But after that, I never stopped.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act bus

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p13


The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.

It’s a biiiig mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.

If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.

Freedom is that instant between when someone tells you to do something and when you decide how to respond.


funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p14


Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.

In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.

The human race's prospects of survival were considerably better when we were defenceless against tigers than they are today when we have become defenceless against ourselves.


The t

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p1


I dream for a living.


Working gets in the way of living.


The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.

The process of maturing is an art to be learned, an effort to be sustained. By the age of fifty you have made yourself what you are, and if it is good, it is better than your youth.

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p2


The harder I work the luckier I get.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.


To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company)

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p3


What do hookers do on their nights off type?

An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox.



No project was ever completed on time and within budget.

The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you’re not ‘professional’ any more.

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p4


Work fascinates me, I can look at it for hours!

Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.


The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit.



There ought to be a better way to start the day than by getting up in the morning.

Every individual has a place to fill in the world and is important in some respect whether he chooses to be so or not.

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p5


I only go to work on days that don’t end in a ‘y’.

Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Garbage Back.


The Romans didn’t find algebra very challenging, because X was always 10.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.



Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what 'I' say." (Mktg. executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister pas

funny work sayings 2010 05 26 p6


A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?


I am a friend of the workingman, I would rather be his friend than be one.

If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.


Be always sure you're right, then go ahead.


What holy cities are to nomadic tribes - a symbol of race and a b


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